Thursday, February 27, 2003

Hit or miss cartoon strip called Elftor that would occasionally get the authors arrested if it was more mainstream. When it hits it's very funny indeed depending on your sense of humour. This outrageous 9/11 strip may disgust many. Funny though....

The excellent's anti-masturbation piss take.

No Hands kitty on Rate My Kitten!

Excellent simple and addictive flea circus game.

Are you a ninja? Another game of sorts. But much much more simplistic.

This person has written an explanation of Einstein's Theory of Relativity using only words of no more than four letters. A bit sad perhaps but an interesting exercise of writing for fools. For us more intelligent Europeans (crumbs, that's controversial), this site is merely a curiosity. Bwahahahaha..... and so on.

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

Recently, online friends Arseblog mentioned that someone had visited them after searching the Internet with the words C3PO Erection Card. And one entrepid Arseblog member, KermitAfc, subsequently reported the news "Apparently when Topps released their original line of Star Wars Trading Cards in the 70's a card featuring C3-PO with a large golden erection slipped under the radar. [A] programme I was watching (some MTV nonsense dealing with Urban Myths) managed to dig one up from a Canadian collector and it does indeed show our favourite golden Droid with a massive boner. On closer inspection it seems that some unidentified object in the backround blends in with a curvy bit on C3-PO's hip and makes him look like a very lucky Droid indeed. As with all of life's happy mistakes, the card was removed and the line discontinued. No one knows exactly how many of these cards exists, it is reckoned to be only a few hundred in the whole world, so needless to say they are very, very valuable." With thanks to the excellent Arseblog forum.

Oh lucky Droid...

This Rorschach Test Site describes how this psychological test technique is applied and gives gives ten examples, with explanations on what you are supposed to see and what that might mean. In the third blot your response supposedly determines your sexual preference. Definitely an interesting site, although the ten images used for the real Rorschach Test are kept strictly under wraps. The thinking being that if you see the genuine images first, you would not give a proper first response should you be dragged in front of a phychiatrist one day.

Check out the ineptitude of Brighton's planning people with these images of wierd cycle lanes.

It's amazing what people will try and make money out of. Somebody's trying to sell this enormously oversized Cheeto on ebay. However the ebay community appears not to be taking this too seriously. Someone's put in a bid of $99,999,990! And I always thought you had to give your credit card details before you bid....

A cunningly crafted paper airplane simulator.

Is there anything the Internet doesn't do? Morse Code Translator.

Is there any fucked-up idea the Internet doesn't have? Send Telegrams to the afterlife. For $5 per word terminally ill volunteers will memorise your message ready to deliver them in the afterlife. This has got to be a piss take, else someone thinks they can make money out of some extraordinarily misguided people. Sadly these people exist in far too vast numbers. And they get the vote.

Monday, February 24, 2003

The wittiest anti-war banner.... in the world....ever!

Lots of sites have recently required the surfer to use his (his?! Yes. His. I realised recently that not many females are interested in this sort of thing y'know? And those that are generally aren't bothered by all this sexist language business. I reckon.) PC microphone. This Weapons Inspector game encourages you to converse with the Iraqis. Or to scream as loudly as humanly possible - depending on the situation in the game. And that is at some considerable volume since you're a testostorone packed lad. You'll enjoy that won't you? And you girlies won't be so childish as to scream down the wire into the Internet at large would you now?

Speaking of idiot males warbling into their computers, check this out. Sav, a young and obviously foolish student, had recorded himself singing along to songs on his computer. Oh deary dear. His house mates duly discovered the said recordings and, naturally, created a website without his knowledge. It goes without saying that Sav, despite fancying himself as something of a crooner, cannot sing for toffee. So I invite you all to visit aforsaidmentioned site, listen in, and then realise that all my mutterings in the previous paragraph were in fact lethally accurate. Naturally.

Cheer yourself up.

Remember that ice skating bint Tonya Harding who arranged an attack on her Olympic rival Nancy Kerrigan in 1994? No? Oh for God's sake. Anyway, she's turned up in the news again. As a boxer! She lost her first bout. Naturally.

Ah, the Congestion Charge. Personally speaking, as mainly a bus user, I'm delighted. But then I would be. Play this fine game in which you drive a white van (boo!) attempting to make deliveries around London without getting caught by Ken's cameras. Typical White Van Man behaviour I suppose. Bastards.
Damn good monkey diving game.
Ridiculously bastard difficult game. But it looks cool.
Shit but topical. When Managers Attack!...


Thanks this week to Tom and crew.

Friday, February 21, 2003

The other day I put on Teletext on my TV and found everything on it to be three weeks old. Either I had gone back in time, I thought, or the computers at Teletext Towers had gone haywire. It would be a lot cooler of course if this happened to the whole of the Internet. Alas the nearest you might get to that is via the wonderous Internet Wayback Machine. But you could also relive yesteryear through this Streakers Hall of Fame. Seventeen hot pages of flesh-tastic history. Else watch time go by using the Industrious Clock.

Japanese pencil carving... Or a mysterious baby circumcision.

Odd people holding up toy cars in front of their camera lenses to make them look real...


Plus, people with too much time on their hands creating custom built Simsons toys...

Flash Mind Reader The interest is, of course, in spotting how it has fooled you into thinking it's actually any good. There is no such thing as mind reading in real life.

Excellent White House piss-take site.

Every now and then I come across a fucked up and disturbing site. And I'm not just talking about sites where you can watch some slapper drinking turtle cum. These sites are disturbing because they are presented as ordinary sites of interest. How about this? Download blackbox recordings of doomed flights.

Did you know that Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns? Exhaustive Phobia List.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

Now I've been responsible for directing people to some non-existent pages, but click here and scrutinise carefully. The first time I tried this I thought I'd been dealt a false card. Until I looked more closely... Little linkys do also work and direct you to some useful shit.

Interesting gossip going around about the Man U post Arsenal match "bust up". I'm finding this all extremely funny as it allows the world to keep reminding itself and everybody else how United were utterly outplayed by the Arse. And I for one intend to play my part in continuing this trend by publishing said gossip: "I'm on an Arsenal mailing list and one guy on it claims to be a good friend of Ashley Cole. Now this guy has told the list stuff before that he said he heard from Ashley and a lot of it has turned out to be true. Anyway his latest story today is that Ashley went in to the United dressing room after Saturdays match to commiserate with his English team mates. Rio Ferdinand quickly ushered him out saying that there was a major row. Apparently Rio told Cole that Ferguson was giving Beckham a right going over and said to him "Ashley Cole made you look a right cunt". Beckham replied "Well, Wenger has made you look a bigger cunt, yet again". With that Ferguson picked up a boot and fired it at him. When Cole walked in to the dressing room, Neville and Scholes were holding Beckham up against the wall and a couple of others were holding back Ferguson. I don't know how true this is, but it is more believable than the 'kicked a boot' story. Have you ever kicked a boot? It's hard to raise it off the ground never mind get the power to injure someone. If it's true I could see Beckham out the door in the summer." Thanks once again to Arseblog.

Meanwhile, the Internet has come up with it's answer to the age-old problem of looking through the sock drawer to find only odd fucking socks. Lonely Socks seeks to reunite socks from anywhere in the world. I've already seen a couple of socks on there which I might be able to match up with some of my own to make my own personal garment universe that bit more complete. Aaaah!

Check out this bit of technology. Material which uses optical camoflage to make it invisible. Looking at what they've made so far shows the current incarnation of this to be nothing more than a gimmick - quite shit if you're trying to to blend in. But one might expect this to get quite good in the future.

Worm game. Very low technology. My high score: 1359.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Righto folks. Sorry about the large delay between reports. Today's installment contains a song sent to me by email. Thanks Emma.

Which I freely admit is plagiarism extraordinaire. But if Blair can do it, why cannot I?

And here it is. And it's to the tune of "If you're happy and you know it":

If you cannot find Osama, bombIraq.
If the markets are a drama, bombIraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is just too risky,

If we have no allies with us, bombIraq.
If we think someone has dissed us, bombIraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions, BombIraq.

It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bombIraq.
Let's prevent this mass destruction, bombIraq.
They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's good enough for me
'Cos it's all the proof I need to

If you never were elected, bombIraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bombIraq.
If you think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad),

If your computer fraud is growing, bombIraq.
If your ties to it are showing, bomdIraq
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy, BombIraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bombIraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bombIraq.
Disagree? We'll call it treason,
Let's make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,

b3ta photoshop challenge for world peace Excellent efforts by the peeps. Some very funny entries...

Scud missile keepy uppy game

Jackson's face sporting different celebrity noses. But can you name that nose?

If that leaves you cold, why not attend this site? Can you tell which animal the arse belongs to?

CatFinderPlus. Attach to cat, press button, cat bleeps. Useful. And then why not potty train the poor little bastard!

Errr.... O-Kaay... Bit odd this. But keep clicking.

Or why not buy this rude vagina carrot on Ebay? Bid at time of writing is $16,600... What the fuck?!?!