Friday, May 30, 2003

Ah, the Internet: "Hello, and welcome to my homepage. My name is Ulrich Haarb├╝rste and I like to write stories about Roy Orbison being wrapped up in cling-film. If you have written any stories about Roy being completely wrapped in clingfilm please send them to me and I may put them up on the site..." Ulli's Roy Orbison In Clingfilm Website

iron my shirt sign at the back... excellent.

The Rockall Times. Britain's answer to The Onion.

Retrofuture: Find out what happened to the past's vision of the future.

And finally: Red-nosed Kung Fu villain runs for Presidency.

Mien Tsu-mun announced his intention to run for the US presidential office. "I and my constituency stand on the corpses of those who dare stand in our way of becoming number one."

Friday, May 23, 2003

Snore... The Entity that writes this Weblog is writing during a night shift. And a spare PC, some time to spare, and a need to update dictates its actions as it sits writing this entry. That is the problem with Weblogs it supposes. If you leave the site stagnant for more than a dozen days, even the most loyal of friends will get tired of checking for new material.

So here it is.

And how apt this all is. As you surf for something interesting, hoping vainly that Charging Through The Midfield will facilitate you with precious minutes of entertainment, Charging presents you with an essay concerning the very state of affairs you find yourself in. Which might lead one to imagine that Weblogs and the like are in existence purely to fill the author’s life with a thing to do. Which in turn fills the Internet surfer’s life with a phenomenon akin to enjoyment, interest, or lack of boredom. The more people adopt the Weblog as a communication tool, the larger this vicious circle grows.

How dodgy are you?

So is it all completely pointless? From a widely philosophical point of view the answer appears to be yes. We shall return to this question with a paragraph starting with the words "Let us return to the philosophical question". However from the standpoint of those concerned (i.e. you the reader and this entity the writer), no. No it bloody isn’t. Because you’ve got fuck all else to do except maybe to actually use your computer to do some work for your company.

Shitflap. (Charging points you towards Mr Tourette.)

And, because you Charging readers are an intelligent lot, it won’t have escaped your attention that all this gibberish can be representative of life itself. You do stuff because it’s better than standing there staring at the horizon like cattle. Humans have gone past the point of living the hunter/gathering existence. Our meals are presented to us in handy shells of pulped plant organism. All we can do to pass the time between feeds is to find anti-boredom activities. Like writing this piece. And we can philosophise and ponder upon this all we bloody well want but the deal remains the same. Our lives consist of feeding, rutting, and feeling bored.

Beer for the homeless.

Let us return to the philosophical question about it all being pointless. Don’t worry; this’ll be quick. Life can best be summed up as the sophisticated organisation of matter. And intelligent life is organised matter that has realised that matter existed in the first place. So the best that matter can do is to take that simple realisation further and examine itself closely. Learn, develop and evolve. How do we best learn? By listening to ourselves. And I mean collectively. That means listening to each other. Not to screenwriters, authors, journalists, and interviews with Gareth Gates (that should get me a few hits), but to other individuals, expressing themselves at moments of boredom. Remember that screenwriters, authors, journalists, and Gareth Gates interviews are expressions of people at work. That is not a natural state. Weblogs represent the first large scale public expressions at times of boredom. For the first time in the known universe, organised matter is talking to itself on its on terms. Long live the Weblog.

You're In Control (Urine Control).

Right. This has wasted an hour in a satisfactory fashion. Breakfast News is about to start so this ends here.

Bart's Chalkboard

Mr Tourette: the greatest cartoon strip of our generation.

Monday, May 19, 2003

After bringing you the "i-loo" story, most of the world has since read about it and how it isn't going to happen. There seems to be some confusion about whether it was a hoax; a joke; or a UK project that the management in the US decided was not in keeping with the Microsoft image. Who gives a fuck? Click here if you do care.

Wanna buy a monkey?

Er, Rent-a-negro.

How to cummunicate with deaf prostitutes. Should you, er, ever need to.

The most fiendishly difficult text-adventure game for any computer in history: The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Definitely worth a gander...

And a very useful history of the Internet: "1995, Real Audio released, allowing users to listen to halting bursts of static in real time", and other such gems of historical insight.

Arsenal win the FA Cup

Monday, May 12, 2003

The "iLoo". We shit you not.

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

The entity that writes this site is looking for a new abode. Current favourite is Mr Wong's Soup'Partments.

Remember Top Trumps? How about Top Trumps with Spectrum Games? This online time-waster represents those corners of the Web that you know you just adore.

yaaaaargh (thanks to the b3ta board)

Meanwhile Salam Pax, the Baghdad citizen who has been keeping a weblog has started writing again after a month offline. Catch up with Where Is Raed?

Simple but interesting game involving guns and weird hair.

Growl Karaoke: brilliant plug for this hardcore group's album. You need sound. And a packet of Strepsils. And here's one for the Phantom Mencap (he works with professional hackers): Those kings of controversy at b3ta shout "Hacker or Spacker?" at you. Are you capable of distinguishing between images of computer hackers and those of people with mental disabilities they ask? I bet you cannot wait to find out.

Finally: check out this site hosting UFO footage from all over the world.

Saturday, May 03, 2003

'Tis about time you got to play with some organised linkage:

Always nice to point out other blogs. Swish Cottage seems to know what it's doing. Also check out Swish's excellent photography page, not huge amounts there but all very minimalist personal and creative... Just what we like yes?

Not very minimalist and only arguably creative is the site named Boohbah Zone. Please don't write to this entity asking what this is supposed to be. If you are currently surfing whilst on acid or magic mushrooms than Charging takes no responsibility whatsoever for your state of mind should you choose to click on the link and peruse aforesaidmentioned site. Weird. Very weird.

Block Death. A collection of lego horrors.

And..... this article reckons Chewbacca's going to be back for Star Wars Episode 3.