From the beginning of August, and for the first time since 1996, I will be doing nine to five work. And frankly the prospect is scarier than a trip on the underground.

But logically it's a mixed blessing. I relish the return of that Friday feeling - my weekends will be fulfilling once more. I dread the daily commute through London's rush hour. No longer can I point to people sardining themselves into train carriages and say "suckers!" as my arms will be too squashed against my sides to be able to perform such an action. However I am pleased that the odd life-reducing night shift will be behind me.

Red eyes begone...



Where am I going? I'm going to be scheduling all the bits in between the programmes during BBC1's daytime schedule.

Yes I know. I'm sorry. Yes promotions are necessary - programmes cannot be magically created to fit the exact necessary durations required you fools.

Meanwhile in the land of South London I have discovered that this side of the river appears to have virtually no large music or book shops. And the small ones are a bit shit.

What sort of people live here?

I Am Fucking Terrified.com